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Bag lady? Let it go…

Get rid of the baggage

There is a song, Bag lady and it advises ladies to let go of those things accumulated for status. Well, sometimes it happens that we all carry unnecessary baggage and for nothing.

Depressed, disappointed, mad and everything in between is how we end up.

These are some of the feelings and emotions that I have gone through and I got to points where life could be unbearable. But I made it!

But, what doesn’t break you makes you stronger, right? Tell that to the birds is what I feel when anguished and going through such.

I have however learnt that life can break me only of I let it. Mettle against life.

But where am I going with this? I have arrived at a realisation that no day will ever be like the other and if so, life is boring.

Airline travellers and passengers rush through the terminal to their flights with their baggage and luggage

Airline travellers and passengers rush through the terminal to their flights with their baggage and luggage [Photo: thetrentonline.com]

Away from the disappointments, there are days I’ve had immense victories and still, the mind has this way of telling me that it is a rough patch I am going through, worse than any I have faced before but not insurmountable. My heart says.

The reason I live is to see transformation, achieved dreams, a smile beyond mine and to look back and say I made it. Life will get you to breaking point but it can never break that which is malleable.

As the water remains on course despite the barriers, so my resolve is. The water will flow where it wills. At times this takes time but when it does break barriers, it breaks free and follows a course. Maybe earlier determined or making its own.

I am on this earth as an individual and for a purpose. Every moment I breath, I take in one more supply of my exhausting supply. But it is making that breath count that should matter. I am a constituent part of a community and do I play a part in edifying it or do I just say I belong without any tangible benefit?

We are called to community and this is why pulling others up is so important.

At times, our help doesn’t come from expected places and people. At times it comes from asses. If you know, Balaam and Balak, Saul-Paul conversion were because of a creature many would love to hate. At times it is from rocks and at times we need patience which moulds us. Patiently waited for things are the most enjoyed.

Patience tests the strongest of men and when I know that I can move from point A-B through some means, then patience is worn out and it becomes impossible. But it is the obstacles we encounter that make us grow stronger, better, unbreakable and impossible for life to beat.

And so today, my hope comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

Lord hold my hand and lead me home. Home is where the heart is.

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Posted by on August 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Labouring for love, the universal language

Happy Labour Day to all you hard working global citizens!

It’s been a while, actually a very long while, but I’m glad that all things are working out right. While I was away, Lupita became a sensation and reminded us all of how our dreams are valid… Mine have been valid ever since I conjured them in my mind – Lupita just reminded me not to give up.Image

As has been, there are things that as a people and a country we need to address if these dreams are to materialize. First off, we need to get leadership to be accountable and answerable to the people. This, we have not been good at.

The resurgence of the Anglo-leasing scam payoffs is one of the things that we can no longer be silent about. We need the government to unmask the beneficiaries before any money can go out of our pockets i.e. if there is a reason why we should pay them.

We cannot give billions of shillings to some masked individuals while our economy is struggling. This is not and can NOT be justified. Parliament did a good thing rejecting the proposal and I hope they hold onto it because we know they also have big appetites when carrots are dangled… Just saying.

Second, the war in South Sudan is one that we cannot afford to see escalate into a genocide. One life lost is already one too many. With President Uhuru Kenyatta chairing the Intergovernmental Authority on Development (IGAD), we cannot just sit pretty and wait for the two antagonists Salva Kiir and Riek Machar to wreck South Sudan. We can do much more.

A few days ago, #ListentoSouthSudan was trending on Twitter and it got some people in high authority talking. We need to see more happen not just for SS but also for Kenya, Mali, the Central African Republic and many more that are travailing on the continent.

Having said that, #SomeonetellSouthAfrica was trending as well following what the country’s Sports Minister said about Kenya. Reading some of the comments was hilarious but on another level, how do we use this muscle on social media for good governance, protection of human rights, access to good healthcare and such?

Kenya is a blessed country with a population that is well informed of the happenings around the world. With this in mind, we then need to capitalize on the need for the good of all benefiting as we advance and take our rightful spot on the global front.

It is a wonderful thing that we realize it is not yet Uhuru but with one act of kindness every day, Uhuru could come sooner than the pessimists can say yeah, right!

Happy Labour day and let’s all labour for love, the universal language.

 

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Broken Clock…

…Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

And since this is true, even a broken heart can be mended. However, even if you had 24 broken clocks at all the right times, you never will have the right time until all the clocks are mended. Image

It is still pre-mid January and I feel like I have already been through the year. It’s like almost December. Maybe my mind is stuck and I don’t want to accept and move on or something… This something I am yet to understand what it is.

Well, today I woke up feeling like I’ve been run over by a train, biologically feeling 50 but physically looking like I’m in my 20s. Looks can be deceiving! It has been some ten really long days in January and I can almost pinpoint the cause-‘NJAANUARY’.

At times it is easier to just resign to fate and accept defeat but even though the most hated month is here, and just like I don’t have qualms with Mondays, I won’t have issues with the month I was born.

This is the month that I’ve had to see a doctor on so many occasions and I still I’m upbeat about what the year has in store. I’ve never been happier and it’s surreal. I can’t quite put a finger on what is making all this bubbly feeling but time will tell.

Getting back to broken clocks now and over this period, I have realized that we all have time and equally so. None of us gets short-changed on this ever. How spend that time is what determines who we become. Within this period, I’ve lost a number of people who I knew and looking back, life is so flimsy that we can’t even presume to know where we’ll be the next moment. Death is always lurking and every moment counts-preciously.

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A friend told me that it is always good to forgive and forget and move on. Otherwise, we remain locked in a loop of unforgiving and never ending grudges. This is true and when we learn to let go and hold onto what matters, life becomes so much more meaningful.

We’ve had broken hearts and unachieved dreams making us bitter. This limits us to not seeing the bigger picture which is of lessons learnt and forging ahead on a stronger foundation.

Life deals us different cards but what is sure that we all get a fair chance. If it’s not money, it’s the brains and if that fails, we can never interpret luck right. This year is one of achieving the dreams that have been pushed forward over and over and letting free those that have been closeted for long.

It will be one of new experiences and trying a little bit harder. It will be the year to push a little bit more, to laugh more heartily and to hug a little bit tighter. I’ve learned that genuine hugs however tight will not take life away from you but give it even more. I know this as my friend Libby Powell is such kind of a friend.

I want to experience authenticity by being so, speaking my mind and minding my words to not hurt but to build a needy soul. I want to worry less about money and care more for those that I love. I want to say thank you at every small act of kindness while I want to be more of a pull-up than a pull-down person.

I have several blank diaries from several years but the most memorable moments are not written down but deeply engraved in my heart. I want to be a lasting impression kind of man and to touch more hearts and lives in a way that will give life.

And in all these, I need God to be the guide.

 
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Posted by on January 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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I don’t believe in miracles…Adios!

I don’t believe in miracles nor signs and wonders.

At least not in the general world view where they can be summoned using money and political muscle. However, I do believe in the small breakthroughs which do not make it to the silver screen. They may not be big bucks but somehow they have impacted me over the past 12 months.

2013 is one year that I would want to forget due to betrayal and disappointments by some who would be regarded as the light in the society. It has been a year full of ups and downs and one that has turned out to be the biggest test of faith in God and myself.

I look back and see all the unaccomplished goals and I want this to be a closed chapter that I never have to write again. I remember all the aborted plans, the near misses, unfulfilled promises and broken hearts.

Faith is not easy and taking the next step in a dark stairwell is like walking in a spider webbed passageway for one with morbid fear of spiders. But, getting to the other end is the determining factor of conquering that fear.Image

So, I will keep walking, a step at a time and one foot after the other till I get home. My ‘alone-ness’ through this period has taught me that it is my resolve to stay alive that will either make or break me. I have severally been lonely in multitudes and happiest in my solitude. It’s the biggest paradox in my pursuit of happiness.

This is why I will not be beady eyed about miracles, signs and wonders happening in my life. I have been on a treacherous path learning patience and living one day at a time. It has not been easy.

I have given up many times than I breath in a day but my hope and faith have held- more like surviving several feet down in the ocean in a submarine. That has kept me going.

Life has not been easy but I’m not child’s play. I will dance to the wind blowing in my ears and I will hold my breath for as long as it takes. I have learnt that life will honour he who honours it and ebb away from they that won’t hold it dear. I am holding on for this is precious.

I have learnt wonderfully invaluable lessons and I can also attest to the lifeline that joy-however short-lived- hands us time and again. I am grateful for the friends who can see beneath the smile and tell me it’s gonna be alright.

Personally, I am thankful for those tears in the rain, the heartaches and the pain. They have taught me how to be strong in adversity and how to stand even when the ground below me is trembling. Those who’ve stood with me through it all, I count it all joy. 
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I have held together because of God in every individual He sent my way. Sometimes we worry too much and pull tomorrow’s clouds over today’s sunshine. I have done that severally losing the beauty of today, here and now to the unknowns of tomorrow. I know I can’t make a single strand of my hair white or black, neither can I move back the sands of time. But, I can have the best from and for me by living and savouring every single moment I experience.

The year has come to an end albeit on a kind of low. It has not been the best but I am grateful all the same. I’ve made friends, lost some who never should have been in my life and also learnt a number of lessons which cannot be gained any other way but by experience.

With this under my belt, I am ready for 2014. I look forward to conquering.

©2013

 
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Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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The worst Cliff Hangers …

… but I never gave up.

The year is fast coming to an end and I feel like I’ve been operating in a zombie mood.

In the daily rush of making it, I have often missed the birds sing, failed to smell the roses and also failed to see the stars shine in a cloudless sky.

I feel like that this has been my worst year, in terms of missed goals, but the best in terms of experiences. I have been betrayed and I’m still standing. This has proven to me that I still got what it takes to keep it together. It takes more than a word to break the mettle and resolve of this village boy who grew up in a remote village but who loved reading for fun.Image

As far back as I can remember, in a place and a home where a newspaper was a luxury, any opportunity to go to the shop was welcome as the shopkeeper- a Mr. Njoroge-would wrap the cooking fat in a newspaper. This I would read and it often hurt to get to the point where the story was cut off… those were the worst cliff hangers I had to live with then.

It was a small but ideally sweet world where everything was well taken care of. I had the best childhood which I could not change for anything. We may not have had much but ours was a closely knit family where care and concern was the factor that bound us together.

I love Hymns and this love was spawned around the hearth where we would sing almost all evenings. We also read from the Bible and I remember that my mother tongue was nurtured then as I used to love reading. I would read every single written thing including the verse numbers which allowed me to perfect the skill of public reading.

Looking back, the progress I’ve made today is founded on those very humble beginnings and innocence. Today, I can stand before a crowd and eloquently speak, I can start and sustain a conversation and I also can be quiet when it is necessary.

This year has been one of several trials, ‘aborted giving up’ and also one where I’ve learnt that not many things go unnoticed. There are friends who will see through your pain and be the best support, there are strangers who will just smile at you and when you smile back, you get a refreshing moment.

My biggest lesson has been that we’re made to complete each other. We’re to keep picking each other up and to maybe just be silently involved to make life better for others and ourselves. Sometimes being quiet we speak the loudest and for those who know the secret of golden silence, then it is a virtue that cannot be underestimated.

I will be quiet at those I love not because I’m angry but because in quietness they’ll experience the best of me.Image

And so, when my newspaper stories were cut short, I learnt to create the endings that would make it a happy one. I also have learned that it is the questioning nature that gets us the answers we need and before the cat dies, the curiosity will have addressed and dealt with the questions it has.

However the ending, all the experiences from 2013 have prepared me for 2014.

This is the year that the beauty of persistence, passion and mended heart will all be seen.

I am grateful that I have stood.

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Shadows leave no trails…

The Sequel

I am the kind that is very keen to detail and some minor ones which are usually overlooked may put me off.

As a writer, I don’t take kindly to poor spellings, typos and poor sentence construction and so I find it extremely hard or impossible to read poorly done articles literature.

This benchmark has allowed me to always be on my toes so that the same criticism does not befall me.

It has not.

I grew up in the village but somehow I managed to be laconic when it comes to language. This does not mean I’m perfect but that I’ve had to be extra careful how I communicate.

I’ve realized that my strengths can be my weakest points and which may blur or totally blind me when I’m dealing with others. As such, I’m on a path of rediscovering myself by not being too rigid and always giving leeway and measured corrections when called upon.

A few weeks ago I wrote how I’d send the elevator back down when I got to the top. I’m still working on it and I’m heading there.

A lady called me enquiring about my trade and it can only be said that first impressions will either make or break an anticipating dream chaser. Having gone through the roughness of the field I work in, I have promised myself that I will never let anyone I can help go through the same if it can be avoided. This is almost always.

Before today, I’ve met all kinds of people who’ve made all kinds of promises but who never really keep them in job hunting, calling, at one point or another becomes a bother and more often than not it wears one down. This has happened so often to me that I’d give up almost entirely but I found reason and hope in those who kept encouraging me.

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And so when the lady called and I couldn’t take the call, I promised to call back. I didn’t call her back because I had to but because I made a promise and a man is as good as his last word. Dreams have been crashed and great ideas have been buried because nobody gave an ear or a word of encouragement.

Friends are in our lives for times -both good and bad- and to always keep us on a forward trajectory. There are those who sap your energy and those who will always be nourishing our spirits. I’d say stick with the former.

There is no joy as much as knowing that somebody has hope because I spoke it to them. I find joy in giving-no necessarily in monetary terms but also in other ways where another is edified. The joy that comes from giving gives us a lease to give more and enjoy so much more…

Life is worthless if I die having not impacted those that God sends my way either by being prejudicial or being too high up on my horse. The equalizing factor for all of us is that we breathe the same air but how we give others reason to keep breathing makes us a reason for others to live.

The best I’ve heard all month happened today when a friend said, “You have other strong points, we’ll work on those.” I want to keep pulling others up until that time when I take a bow and I’ll say I have achieved.

I want to be the best that I can be not because I want recognition but because I want to live fully and leave a legacy.

I am sending that elevator back down. I just started the process.

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Shadows leave no trails…

This is my confession

I promised myself that when I got to the top, I’d send the elevator back down.

This is because I’ve learnt that the best investment one can make is in another human being. I am doing my best to ensure that this becomes true of me. And it’ll be the best achievement and honour that I could ever achieve.

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Elevator Image Source: Allied Elevator Group, Inc.

I am not there yet but that’s a promise I intend to keep no matter what. My dreams and aspirations have taken time to materialize but I cannot give up as the next push may be the one to usher me into the realization.

Sometimes when the promises of God tarry, we sign a Do Not Resuscitate-DNR order because we’ve given up on God. I have done this severally but luckily for me, and by extension us, God NEVER gives up. I’ve hit rock bottom-almost becoming a recluse. I locked myself in not showing emotions and which almost ruined me.

I believe in God who has good plans for me. I remember the many times I’d be in the house with burning eyes as tears stung them. There was no consolation and with no one to speak to, my heart was usually heavy.

I am a pusher and I rarely give up on what I set my mind to doing and somehow I held on. Hope kept and still keeps me alive. Imagining what it’d be in the future, seeing success come out of persistence and that urge to prove those who said I couldn’t make it was all the more driving.

My being on the edge but never really tipping over-whatever held me- that must have been God. Time and again I’ve been tempted to give in but the force within just drives me giving me the holding power.

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Eagle Image Source: http://www.morkelerasmus.com

It’s always easier to give in than keep holding on or surrendering to forces that we feel are too strong for us. The breaking of a new dawn is the promise of another chapter in our lives and the urge not to leave any chapter in my life blank is all too compelling. The joy of seeing an overcome hurdle and an ostensibly insurmountable challenge come down is a thrill. The adrenaline just keeps rushing and it is a do or die.

Other people’s experiences also help me keep going. Understanding success means knowing and understanding the process as well. The get rich quick schemes are a fallacy and a gamble I’ve never wanted to try for I want transparency to be the key thing that makes me.

And as I wake up every morning-sometimes struggling and wondering what I’m waking up to- I am grateful that I have an opportunity to make a difference not just to me but to others as well.

A friend once told me that I should not look down on me and disdain where I am for there is someone out there who sees me and feels they want to be like me. And so, however hard it may be being me, I’ll keep pushing until I break the glass ceiling.

And as promised, I’ll send the elevator back down.

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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